Joy and Guilt

We have finally moved in to the new house. In so many ways it feels like it has been a long process but in reality it has been very quick, at just about 6 months. I am overjoyed to have all of the benefits of a house. Space, the ability to shower and bathe the children with ease, the feeling of cleanliness and lack of clutter, being able to set Baby B down without the worry that she might roll three feet to the floor, and so many more.

I am ecstatic to have a beautiful home that so many people put many many hours in to, in order to complete it. I absolutely love the peaceful setting and country land we are blessed to live on. I’m excited to make it our own little home.
However, with every little feeling of joy there is also guilt, sadness, confusion, and curiosity.

Guilt that I am enjoying someone else’s dream. Something that they spent YEARS fighting and planning for, while we stepped in and spent months. Guilt that so many are affected negatively by what brings us joy.

Sadness for so many reasons. That my grandparents in law are not living here. That they have so many battles that they are currently fighting. That they are watching us live their dream. And, honestly, a little sadness that this isn’t a completely joyful experience for us, but life is funny.

Confusion and worries about who and why the situation is effecting others. I don’t know how all of our extended family feels but I sense that there are some hard feelings. I understand why, but so wish they weren’t there. I am hopeful that time will heal.

I am so curious about God’s plan. If I only look at our story I love God’s plan but when I look at the whole picture I can’t help but wonder why? It is hard to imagine that all of the battles will work themselves out peacefully but I have to trust in God’s plan. I hope to some day understand but know that we may never.

It is a treat to wake up in a house, a home every morning. I love it here and can’t wait to see how our lives change over the next six months (but I also fear it)!