Last Friday was Baby B’s 6 month check up. I hate giving my babies shots so I was not looking forward to her appointment, but I was extra concerned this time as Baby B had petechia after her last vaccines. After discussing my concerns her Dr said we couldn’t do shots because it was a couple days short of two months since her last vaccine and that she wanted to do some investigating before we made a vaccination plan. I am delighted that we have a Dr that really listens to our concerns but I left a little worried because she seemed concerned as well. We are going to have a blood test on Baby B and wait on anymore vaccines for a bit.
I’m ok with this plan for Baby B but I still find myself worrying that we might find something is really wrong with her. Although I pray that Baby B is A O K, I can’t help but worry about worse case scenarios. I actually don’t even know what the petechia may indicate. Basically, I’m not even sure what I’m worried about! Health concerns in little ones are awful and I pray for every family going through any type of health issue.
Then this morning I felt a lump in my breast. Breast cancer terrifies me. Honestly, it causes so much anxiety in me that I change the channel or turn off the tv if people are talking about it! My mom had breast cancer when she was only 34 so I am aware that I am at a heightened risk of also getting it.
Since becoming a mom I am afraid of something happening where I could no longer be there for my girls. I am sure this is a very normal fear for any mother. Anytime that something seems off with my breasts frightens me. I’ve been battling a plugged duct for the past month but this morning I felt around and there is definitely a lump in there. I’ve been thinking that my armpit lymph node might also be a little enlarged for the past couple of days as well. I very much hope that it is nothing or some kind of breastfeeding problem but I am scared.
I cried off and on all morning thinking about my babies and how I don’t want them to have to go through any thing scary and stressful. I made a Dr appointment for Friday. Then, as I was remembering how I felt when my mom was battling breast cancer I actually felt a little relief.
My memories are all good! I was ten when my mom went through it and I just remember skipping school on chemo days and eating cookies, drinking hot chocolate, playing board games, the nurse with blue hair, and family time. I don’t remember being worried about my mom except for when she had surgery. I don’t remember her being sick, even though she lost her hair. If there is a sickness now or in the future I hope to have the strength and positivity of my mom!
I am praying for health all around in our house and in all of the houses. I am praying for health in your house, too.