A wakes up and collects the piles of toys that I carefully relocated to the floor from her bed last night as she slept. I give her a “shh” with my finger to my lips. I’m hoping for a couple more minutes of sleep but at the very least that she doesn’t wake Baby B who is so peacefully sleeping.
Eventually she crawls into bed with Baby B and I. Baby B wakes and I enjoy watching my little girls so thrilled to see each other. Each of them temporarily neglecting me.
We slowly make our way to the kitchen for coffee, milk, and “wa” as Baby B requests. Baby B throws her cereal on the floor piece by piece as I attempt to load the dishwasher before the coming cries of “all done”, Baby B’s way of demanding she is removed from the confines of her high chair. Little A knocks her bowl of cereal over, but thankfully she requested it without milk. Baby B helps me sweep it up and we start bath time.
I sneak a sip of coffee as the girls play in the bath. Mid sip I spot the bug floating in my creamy coffee goodness. I wonder how many sips I took before I noticed that little stinker.
We head out to our one day old chicken coop. Our first chicken feeding/ egg collection just the girls and I. Little A is absolutely delighted to collect the eggs. We feed the hungry little chickens as the sky pours rain on us, only the second day of rain in months. I can not open the coop door to get the eggs and know I have to find a way to get it open or I will have a truly disappointed little girl. After minutes of pulling and pushing it swings open. There are no eggs.
I am the first to admit that Baby B had some serious cheeks a couple of months ago. Honestly, I loved those cheeks! They were absolutely satisfying to kiss. Also, absolutely adorable. (Her cheeks have thinned out but are still wonderful for kissing!) I, however, am still so bothered by the remarks people would make about her.
Although she is a little tiny human, she is still a human. With feelings. She may not yet understand but maybe she does? I’m continually surprised by how much she does understand. How can we know that on some level these comments aren’t affecting her? With so many young people being affected with body insecurities, why would we start putting these ideas into our children’s heads as infants?
Now, let’s suppose that Baby B, at just eight months old, was not affected by these comments. Her big sister, however, was affected. I know, because Little A called her baby sister “chunky” many times. I had to explain to her what chunky meant and also that it is not a nice word to use.
In pointing out Baby B’s “cute little rolls” or her “chunkiness” or stating “my kids were chunky but not THAT chunky” you are pointing out the differences in her body from the others in the room. And, again, if Baby B doesn’t understand this, Little A at three does understand it. Perhaps she now sees that her sister’s body is shaped differently than hers or she may be wondering if you are going to also point out the rolls on her little body? Either way, I have been fighting to keep these types of concerns from her innocent mind.
Thankfully Baby B’s weight was not a health issue and not something that I was concerned with. However, for some families those comments about weight could also bring up health worries. Also, I’m positive that comments about weight with my first child would have made me concerned enough to ask Dr Google. As a new parent there are so many new things to worry about and unfortunately, other’s comments turn into big worries even when that is not how they are intended.
I am not denying that Baby B had full cheeks and more rolls than many babies. I am just concerned with the ways that are thought to be acceptable to talk about these cute little children. Even if our sweet babies don’t understand our words, our older children may.
I didn’t realize that I have anxiety until I saw it in my three year old. As we were getting ready to go to a birthday party, something Little A was excited about, she began to get upset and say “no! Let’s just stay home!” Of course I didn’t tell her this, but those were my exact thoughts.
It would be so much easier to just stay home, to not get dressed, to not load up two kids, to not unload two kids, to not worry about where to nurse baby B, to not worry about what to say, and to not worry about what I didn’t say for days afterwards! I was ready to give up, too.
But hearing those words from my little girl and KNOWING those exact feelings I knew I had to be brave. I had to face all of those little thoughts that can feel huge and scary.
So we went to the party. Little A cried the entire way there because she wanted the toy we picked out for the birthday girl for herself. I feel I should admit that we were also an hour late. But as we drove there I told myself I was not going to worry. Not now and not later. Especially not later, as I have a tendency to dwell over all of the things I should/shouldn’t have said/done.
We had fun. We survived. Baby B was fed, Little A played, and I talked to adults. It was GREAT! I can only hope that by conquering this adventure that Little A will face her fears in the future, that she won’t take the easy way.
As for me, I keep reflecting on my conversations and actions and keep on letting them go. I don’t need to waste my energy on “could ofs”, that I can’t change! My little ones are teaching me, just as I am teaching them, and together we will be brave. We will just let it go.
I always love it when things are not going so great and something terrible happens but I’m able to see humor and change my attitude. If only I could always let the silly things lead me but sometimes it takes hours or days to reflect and see that it wasn’t so bad.
A couple of nights ago, I was having a hard time with the little cuties when I felt something warm on my leg. I picked up Baby B and there was a puddle of poop on my pants. I just laughed, what else was there to do? I didn’t know where to start, so I took my pants off then changed Baby B. We don’t have curtains yet and it was dark so I had to do a funny crawl so our neighbors wouldn’t see! Then someone drove up to the house, eek! I had to run and get pants on… It was a funny couple of minutes and only because I let myself see the humor in the situation.
Today I missed the humor. I was bribing/ threatening/ begging (basically not good moming) my Little A to go potty on the potty before we left for my mom’s house. She is three and doing well at potty training but, let’s face it, she has many other important things to do. (Hello, we were leaving and she needed to get every bracelet, necklace, ring, and purse she owned on!) When I turned around to see a little puddle on the carpet behind Baby B. Poop. On our less than a month old carpet. Right on the very first piece of carpet anyone will ever see in our house.
I didn’t laugh. It was a mess. I didn’t know where to start and I also had a naked toddler asking me why Baby B pooped on the carpet. I wasn’t at my best. I chose the wrong way to look at the situation. We survived it.
I had the girls all loaded up in their car seats when Little A announced that her ring fell off in Baby B’s car seat. I just couldn’t let this choking hazard slide so I searched. I weighed my options in my head and almost drove away without finding it but I just couldn’t. For five minutes I felt around every crevice in the back seat. Finally I found it and turned around to see the cat had joined us in the front seat. I still wasn’t laughing.
As we drove away I finally saw the humor. I’m glad I had the time to reflect because the more that I reflect the more that I realize our day is filled with silly little girls that make hilarious situations one after the other. I just have to choose to see it that way. Here’s to a funny tomorrow filled with good moming!
I love having plans and doing something where we get to get out of the house. Then, when I’m about five minutes into getting ready I remember that I have two little kids and the task of leaving home is so exhausting that by the time I get anywhere I am ready to go home.
Yesterday we went shopping with my mom and sister. Although I love shopping and I don’t get to go very often, by the time we got there I wasn’t feeling it. The shopping trip went well, both girls refrained from crying and I found what I was looking for.
Next, the car ride home. Baby B cried the entire thirty minutes home. I thought she would fall asleep but she just cried and cried. Little A whined and begged for the blanket that Baby B was using until she cried too and fell asleep.
When we got to my mom’s house I took Baby B in, worried something was wrong but she was happy the instant I took her from the car seat. My mom brought Little A in and she was a crying mess from being woken up. Ugh. Really, can I catch a break?
I needed to run to the store so I left Baby B with my mom, loaded Little A up, and went to the closest convenience store. As I was carrying Little A in, I realized her diaper was leaking. So we went back to the car and did what any good mom would do: we tied a sweatshirt around her waist.
Sometimes I feel like I either suck at being a mom or other people are really good at making it look easy. But I probably looked like I was rocking it too while we were shopping. Am I good at making it look easy too? Either way, I think we will just resort to online holiday shopping for now.
You were still in my tummy three years ago. It was the day you were due to arrive but you didn’t make an appearance. Five days later you finally arrived. You made me a mommy. I am so thankful for that.
As I hold you, cuddling you to sleep, I am amazed by the many ways you have grown, but also by how babylike you are still. I rarely get to cuddle with you anymore and soon you won’t snuggle up with me anymore. I just want to hold you tight and squish you up when you try to grow. But I’m also extremely excited to see you become a big girl, a teenager, a young woman, and some day maybe a mommy or a chef or an engineer. I can’t wait to see you become more of you.
I so wish I could be everything for you. Because you are everything to me.
How sweet and silly you are in the mornings makes me so excited for you to wake up. I actually can’t wait for you to wake up in the mornings. I love the way you love your sister. It is an over the top, very squeezey love, but it is pure love. I’m so proud of how smart you are, even when you don’t want to listen to my “lessons “.
Thank you for being my little girl, so interested in the world around you. You are so adorable but also gorgeous on the inside. Thanks for letting me learn to be a mommy while you take on life.
Do you ever have those moments or days where no matter how challenging it is you just know you can do it? It might even be that you HAVE to do it but you still go into it confident, knowing that in a matter of time you will be looking back on the challenge with a proud smile? I had one of those moments today.
The Hubby is usually the chef in our house but he was working hard painting the house, so I made a gourmet dinner (of spaghetti). This might not sound hard but we were ending a too-fun-weekend of aunty and five year old cousin visiting: we were all exhausted! So exhausted that Little A fell asleep and I had to pick her up and throw her around and dance with her to get her to wake up!
So I started boiling the water and put Little A in the bathtub (I guess I felt so good I figured I could add an obstacle ). Baby B wouldn’t let me set her down so she was my helper. I had to go potty with Baby B in my arms. The Hubby walked in, he was impressed. Both of the girls cried, it was definitely a challenge but dinner was made and eaten.
The actual accomplishment was small, I know, but it felt huge today. I love the feeling of being a rock star at being a mom.
The hubby is currently working nights and I HATE it when his schedule changes. There are so many reasons why the schedule changes bug me but that’s a boring story. I’m not sure if every family has rough evenings or if that’s just us? But evenings are usually the time for meltdowns, tantrums, broken hearts, you get the idea… Surviving evenings without him is even harder.
Tonight I was starting a simple meal (because, well, I’m not a chef, we are living in a trailer, I have two littles, and the hubby is working) and Baby B was chilling in her bouncy seat while Little A lovingly loaded her up with toys and blankets. Until Baby B started screaming! I frantically asked Liittle A what happened and she said “I bit her finger”! (Love it that Little A doesn’t know about lying yet!)
Why would my sweet, perfect little toddler bite her innocent baby sister’s finger? I don’t know and neither does she. Thankfully, Little A started crying hysterically and Baby B stopped crying, so I knew Baby B’s finger was going to be ok. Little A said she was sad because she didn’t want to have a time out but she really loved on her sister when she apologized, so I think (and hope) that there were also some tears for her sister’s pain and suffering.
This also left me worried that Little A is going to be a big bully to her sister. I tried to google “toddler picking on baby” to make sure this is normal and we don’t need to start counseling but all of the results were about toddlers picking their noses! Google, you failed me. We ate dinner and both of the girls fell asleep before 8 on the couch, giving mommy a nice little break time!