I didn’t realize that I have anxiety until I saw it in my three year old. As we were getting ready to go to a birthday party, something Little A was excited about, she began to get upset and say “no! Let’s just stay home!” Of course I didn’t tell her this, but those were my exact thoughts.
It would be so much easier to just stay home, to not get dressed, to not load up two kids, to not unload two kids, to not worry about where to nurse baby B, to not worry about what to say, and to not worry about what I didn’t say for days afterwards! I was ready to give up, too.
But hearing those words from my little girl and KNOWING those exact feelings I knew I had to be brave. I had to face all of those little thoughts that can feel huge and scary.
So we went to the party. Little A cried the entire way there because she wanted the toy we picked out for the birthday girl for herself. I feel I should admit that we were also an hour late. But as we drove there I told myself I was not going to worry. Not now and not later. Especially not later, as I have a tendency to dwell over all of the things I should/shouldn’t have said/done.
We had fun. We survived. Baby B was fed, Little A played, and I talked to adults. It was GREAT! I can only hope that by conquering this adventure that Little A will face her fears in the future, that she won’t take the easy way.
As for me, I keep reflecting on my conversations and actions and keep on letting them go. I don’t need to waste my energy on “could ofs”, that I can’t change! My little ones are teaching me, just as I am teaching them, and together we will be brave. We will just let it go.